Crayons

Unlike weekdays, the kitchen was making much lower decibels, as the family had planned to spend the rest of the day in outing. Mano was going through the headlines of the paper lazily with the hefty task that was in front of him for the rest of the day. It was not a great weekend as he has to compensate the holiday given for the recent elections by working the next weekend , which means he has to wait for another 13 days for the next Sunday . 

He wanted to enjoy a nice nap in his house or maybe sleep in front of the TV watching the highlights of the matches he missed previously. The pressure cooler whistled loud form the kitchen waking him up from his dream of spending the day in his couch. His wife soon walked out of the kitchen as soon as the pressure cooker stopped shooting she stared to give her list of “things -to-do “ for the day , for a second he thought the cooker’s noise was much sweeter than what he was hearing now.

Least involved in all these was their 6yr old daughter Minu who was lying on the floor scribbling something on a piece of paper. Mano took her in his arms and asked “so what does your list of things for the day” Minu smiled softly “papa I need a pack of crayons”. That was the 5th pack of crayons she had finished off that month. Her mom started to complain about the same and added that her academic performance was also deteriorating and her class teacher has asked to meet her the coming weekend.

Mano’s longest week had stared with a monstrous Monday of getting up late to office, it was a marathon of getting ready for office. He was about to start his scooter when the pressure cooker again whistled, this time she wanted Mano to drop Minu is school on his way to office. With much hesitation he accepted his wife’s words. Minu was in her own world of scribbling something with her crayons when she stopped for min “papa will you buy me a pack of crayons?” He showed all his anger kick starting his bike “what happen to the pack that I bought for you yesterday?” Minu again went back deep into her coloring book with an answer “ its there but I need blue, yellow and black, they got over” Mano was not ready for an argument and he silently raised his accelerator. 

Mano was happy again his 13 day wait had come to an end and it was Saturday evening he can sleep happily as his wife has no plans for that Sunday. Quarrels between the two has become the inevitable and a part of the daily schedule and that evening was no exception only that the intensity was too much. 

There was an uncontrolled emotion of anger in the air, confessions of making the biggest mistake in life of marring the other was the topic of discussion. His anger was so uncontrollable that it made the fish tank fly a few feet and crash. The crashing sound was followed by a few seconds of silence and heavy breathing , for a sec there eyes scrolled around the room and found MInu totally in her own world of scribbling something on a piece of paper. The sight brought a small pause to all there anger Mano walked towards her little girl and took the paper, for the first time they were seeing what her little girl was drawing all these days. It was the same drawing again and again, scribbling in green , blue and black spread allover the paper. They were not able to make out their child behavior. Mano asked minu “minu, dear what are you drawing?, what’s these blue and green circles? Are these trees and mountains?” Minu with her little finger scribbling the same one new sheet of paper answered” no daddy, its you and mom”

“And what's these black lines allover the paper” asked Mano. Minu looked up into her dads eyes saying “ its you and mom fighting” and bend down to continue her work. A chill ran down both the parents spine as the looked at each other, Mano was still in his Blue Boiler suite and his wife green saree which she wears every day for her work.

Enemy

Though we had different names, at this place we both had only one name “enemy”. He is my enemy and I’m to him. We were made enemies by nationality and at this place it was reduced to the difference in the color of our army uniforms.

It’s the fifth day of our captive life in a bunker that lies in NO mans land. We didn’t have many conversations, we both were equally wounded and were not able to move out of the bunker where we were and were waiting for some kind of help. The sounds of guns and grenades has now faded. Which means some one will come to rescue one among us and the other will be a captive for the rest of his life.

Prayers were running high in both our hearts and even the sound of crickets at nights gave us an illusion of someone walking towards us. And the time came at last, we were hearing some foot steps for sure, I gathered guts and peeped out of the bunker and sat back inside the bunker with a smile of relief .My enemies face turned pale and I was able to understand his thoughts and fear. He took out his knife plead to me “please Kill me” I took the knife from his hand and My hands trembled for the first time killing an enemy. 

Keep searching BUt never find It

I’m used to this cold climate now , I don’t miss the hot summers of Chennai anymore, Living in this part of the globe I have gone round the sun eight times now. Eight years of occasional phone calls from my parents asking me to return home soon and though they know I wont come back that place. Very few things put smile back on my face that includes call from my best pal and other friends who wants a free stay in my place when they land here as accommodation is still a costly affair here in Switzerland.
 
It was a sudden but firm decision, I never had to repent for it or never will I. It still feels like yesterday, she saying “Bye Mano this will be our final meeting my dad has found me a person who earns more than you and this will be our last meeting” and for the next few months tears were my best friend. It still feels like yesterday, the day I woke up deciding I need to break away from my past, the past filled with her memories a past haunting my future. I packed up my bag and landed in this place truly this is paradise on earth. Eight years have gone and my life in exile is going good , learned a few languages made new friends and I was careful with love this time though there was nothing left to break inside me. I lost contact with the world , the world that was around me when I was in Chennai , my friends, my family my everything now it feels like they too have thrown me out of their world. To speak the truth I was running away from the truth, the truth which I will never be able to take , something which I cant even dream / think of , she marrying someone else. So I sealed off myself from the truth packed my bags and came to this paradise. I have made this imaginary world of mine so strong that no news from my old world can leak into this place neither my existence is known to them.

The morning was cold as usual, I can hear the streams and the birds actively doing there work , I have never seen the sun active here unlike Chennai where he wont mind to do a little Over time and make everyone do weird rituals to bring rain in time. “Bonjour” I knew that was my neighbor, a Fat short English Gentleman with his Funny “French” accent has never failed to put a smile on my face every time I hear him. I tried to teach him my language but only to find I still loved my language a lot and cant stand it being getting damaged by my neighbor. I wished him good morning and continued my walk.


The snow clad mountains still amuse me a lot but still there was a vacant place in my heart that wanted to dip its feet in the waves of the worlds 2nd longest beach. How the heart works? Leave others heart, how MY heart works? I don’t know. Sometimes it searches for things it wants to forget, it cries to have things which doesn’t belong to it , trying to catch it hard knowing it’s a dream. My heart at times has pushed me to an extent of making me type “ Where is my girlfriend” “where are you my dear” in Google and click the search icon, showing me 1000’s of unwanted pages. Well I don’t blame Google (neither can I blame them for the stupidity that’s inside me making me do this) But thanks to HER , though she’s gone long back think I still have a lot of Her left it me.

This is the first party I’m attending in this place. My neighbor has insisted me so much that I wad to move out of my house that evening . I was greeted by many warm little electric lamps flickering as if they too are fed up of the cold weather. The main hall was filled with people which made the place little more warmer. I was able to hear all the four national languages of the county at the same place but I look only interest in French and dint understand what the others spoke of. I took my glass of rum and went around the place and my hosts Funny French accent was making me smile where I was in the house. Think I was too much addicted to my solitude that I soon found a place away from the crowd. My eyes soon caught an young couple walking towards me , they both soon crossed me and went next to the window. There was no doubt that they were in love and the guy looked pretty depressed and the girl quickly jumped into action she smooched him for the next two min and made a smile grow in his sad face. I smiled at myself something inside me woke up again , yes it is my heart it wanted HER , here, next to me just like those young couple hugging each other consoling each other, being there for each other. I too wanted a smile to grow in my face , but soon reality woke me up and reminded me that SHE is gone , gone to make someone happy the same way I saw. Tears roll down my cheeks and I walked out of the place.

My heart was searching for HER again. Now it understood clearly how my heart works , I see two halves of it one which wants to run away from reality and the other which wants to be there in the same. Its an unending Indo-Pak war between the two and I had to do something were both are in control, I had to say to myself “ I’ll keep searching for HER but never find HER ever cos I cant stand the truth”

Let my dad DRINK

Every time my dad walks into the house my mom starts to shout at him, I found no wrong with my mom may be she is right, dad used to drink daily and that was the source of all the quarrels between them. 

Though dad used to keep quiet most of the time he too looses temper at times and his argument was mom never maintains the house neat. Yes he was right I find it dirty all the time, things scattered everywhere .It looked like jumbled words of the worse kind how much ever I used to try to put things in its place soon it was scattered .Mom keeps crying all day scolding dad “ That’s it I had enough , today I will teach him a lesson if he is gonna enter the house again drunk I’m gonna kill myself and write a letter against him” words that used to scare me a lot . Though the day never came , both of them lived quarrelling throughout their lives , but it left a deep impact in my life.


Times changed and I was in college and when people forced me for a drink my mom’s tears came in front of me I didn’t want that so I say a humble no to all around me. Even my farewell party was a non alcoholic one except I had a great time with my girl friend still can’t forget that night.

They say Time and tide wait for none , think it should have been this way “ time , tide and girls wait for none” . She was not in a mood to wait for me a couple of years more I would have been what she wanted both in society and in bank balance , but as I said she didn’t want to wait for me. I had to see her depart happily with someone who met her recommendations.

Two years had passed , and it was my time I should say , I too met some girls specifications and now I have a family. A home where Im expected to start from every morning and have to give a hourly update about my whereabouts and most importantly have to keep on basic rule in mind. “ the doors will be shut sharp at 10 every night”. Mostly it was a race against time both in the morning and in the night a small lie will satisfy my boss but not my wife have to face a detailed enquiry every time I reach after the clock strikes 10. 

I was getting locked in a clock , I needed someone who could give me company without a question I was carving for that person by my side everyday. Soon I met him, that wonderful I should say stared off with a very bad incident of me meeting my ex-girl friend , I don’t know what she means to me now and what was between us now but truly it did hurt a lot . my friend was able to understand that I was going through inside and pulled my had “ come I’ll take you to a place im sure you will like it” .

We entered a bar , this time I was in no mood to listen to the words from my inner soul. I drank a lot I started to like this new friend he gives me company everyday no questions he asks me , he gives me a good sleep im not worried about the clock now. Quarrel between me and my wife became a usual event , and I was able to see my house not kept neat. I don’t know what she will be doing in home now , may be she is praying to god I should stop drinking , but I don’t want God to change her and make her a better wife cos im enjoying every moment with my friend.


Last day I entered my home heavily drink as usual she started weeping and I kept my cool and headed straight into our bed room. My little son came slowly to me and held my hands in his small palm his eyes were filled with tears when he said” daddy why do you drink everyday? Mummy is crying daily cant u stop drinking?” It reminded me of my childhood , same questions what I asked my dad once for which I never got an answer, but for which I know the answer now I took my son in my arms and said “ I don’t have an answer with me dear son, but soon you will understand yourself” and put him to bed.

For a sec I saw my dad before me all the while I used to scold him within me for behaving very badly everyday with mom and me. Now I can see it , though I don’t know what problems he had? how lonely he must have felt ? he too needed a friend and found the same wat I found. 

“let my dad Drink”

  

Keep smiling !

Flocks of birds were on their way back, soon I will not be able to see myself as the clock struck 6 and it was getting dark. The loud speakers of the near by mosque chanted “Allah”. This is the place were I end up whenever there was a quarrel between my parents, when my parents shout at me, when I had an argument with my sister when my girl friend said “bye” , My terrace the place I end up after any unfortunate thing that strikes me.

I loved this place though there was no nice nature that surrounded my house I still liked it, except for a suspicious stares from the neighboring terrace. It was a great day as everything worse happened together my parents & my sister as usual made me climb up the steps with there uncontrollable temper, my mobile beeped and added more to the fire “ Don’t ever talk to me again, Im leaving you” read the message from my girlfriend. I didn’t notice what was happening around me for the next 3 hours and it was the evening prayers from the mosque made me realize where I was.

I made a call to my friend and forced him to come for a smoke with me. As I turned around to get down from my favorite place a piece of paper rub passed me and landed near me, and I looked at the direction from where it came. I saw the girl next door standing smiling at me, dressed in her school uniform her eyes had a mix of fear and excitement, and her eyes were clearly saying a message to me, she rolled her eyes signaling me to pick up the paper she had just thrown. I stood there in disbelief , my brain started to workout all possible things that could be in the paper “ another love letter! Oh please I had enough with you girls, and I don’t want to cry anymore”. It was clear that my mind was making the decisions now; my broken heart was not in a position to say anything.

She stood there for few more sec and her anxious left hand was flipping in and out her bangles on her right hand. And as her mother called her name she ran down with her eyes fixed on me till the moment she disappeared. I was in no mood to check what was on that paper all I wanted was to reach the near by tea shop for my friend.

Two days passed and I was there in my favorite place and this time I saw her reach her terrace with depressed eyes , the fault was mine the paper still lies on the floor and the rain a day before has made the condition of the paper even more worse, she pulled few leaves of the near by tree and ran down the steps as she was not able to control her tears. Her tears made my broken heart throb for a sec I picked up the paper for the wet concrete surface .I expected nothing new in it may be a few lines to express what she felt for me , on 2nd thought I could be wrong there can be something else too. So I opened the letter, “ Don’t worry , things will be ok soon , Keep smiling” said the letter and had a big smiley drawn below that.I really don’t know what she wanted to say to me and what she felt for me all I know was that I had hurt a heart like someone has done to me. I never saw that girl after that.

Lonely NO More

There are times in life when you are away from your family, your home town , your friends and without any friends in the place where you are. Times when you really need someone to share your happiness, your sadness and most importantly your loneliness. And I found myself caught in one such situation, it’s been 5 months someone close to me called me and felt I was in no man’s land. Standing on a beautiful road that cuts through a massive lake I tried calling my friends my family but only to find everyone was busy with some work and wanted to cut short the conversation.

I scrolled through my mobile to find anyone who will talk to me but in vain. Unable to take the loneliness I ended up throwing my mobile into the lake. An old man was watching me do all these things and walked towards me with a smile saying “I see myself in you now, too was left alone like this and then I found this and I forgot everything think you need this more than me now so take it and I’m sure you wont require that thing ever what you threw away now” and gave me the fishing rod what he was carrying to me.

I sat on the banks and as time passed by I understood that there is a friend who is always there ready to talk to us NATURE. She was talking to me with her small ripples on the water, laughing to my jokes when the birds chipped, send a cool breeze when I was sweating, send a cloud to block the hot sun. It’s been threes years now and I’m thankful to that unknown old man and he was right I will never need that thing what I threw again in my life.

Its My life .......

I starred at the 10 Lakh rupees on my table, my client with a thankful smile on his face offered me the cash for saving him from a case. The pinch in my heart was too much to bear for i had to send an innocent behind bars to save my client and i dindt know how to accept the money , the innocent's wife's cry is still in my ears. my mobile strated to ring and it was an sms from my wife " hi dear i have selected the red car as my b-day gift and i will be waiting there in the showroom for the cash, hope you are sending it soon.. bye "

My heart became silent, i took the cash with a broad smile and asked him to visit me whenever he is in trouble legally.